/, queries on demand, writing advice/Queries On Demand: AFFORDABLE BUTTS by Julie Cross

What is Queries on Demand?
Queries on demand is a segment that I’ve just started today. It’s a representation of the insanity that often goes on inside my head. I’m one of those authors with too many ideas, too many subplots in a novel, too many directions I’d like to take a story and this kind of fault comes with positives as well. A more focused disciplined writer is more likely to struggle with ideas and brainstorming (not always, of course). I need a team of disciplined folks who are willing to come at me with a lasso and reel me back in when I go wandering into the woods, chasing three different butterflies. So with queries on demand, I get a random title from an outside source and write a query for a Young Adult or New Adult novel. And I’m sticking to my genre because if I could write a query for any genre it wouldn’t make the task as challenging. There’s a genre out there for just about any title. 
For those of you who are more readers than writers, a query is just like the description on the back or inside cover of a book. The 3-4 paragraphs that exist to hook you and get you to read the whole novel.
Today’s segment was inspired by YA author, Melissa Landers who has written an amazing YA sci-fi book titled ALIENATED. I was lucky enough to read it last week and wow, Wow, WOW is it good. But the rest of you have to wait until next February. Anyway, after requesting suggestion for places to order custom buttons, Melissa suggested Affordable Buttons and then went on to tell me that when the company called her to review her order, the caller ID read: AFFORDABLE BUTTS and then I replied and said that I wanted to call my next YA novel AFFORDABLE BUTTS. 

Courtesy of author Melissa Landers

And just to set the record straight before it even goes crooked, I AM NOT ACTUALLY WRITING THIS BOOK. It does not exist in real life, only on my blog in this query.
L.A. native, Mikey McDonald might not be a Hollywood teen heart throb like his best friend Dan, but his backside has just been nominated for both an Oscar and a People’s Choice award.

Mikey’s senior year of high school started out like every other school year. His lack of athletic ability and wall flower personality has kept him under the radar in his posh L.A. private school and that’s just fine with Mikey. At least it was until, after stressing for weeks about a nudity scene is his upcoming movie, Dan finally confided in Mikey and asked if he’d be willing to play Dan’s butt double. 
Mikey, who missed out on the hand-eye coordination gene has been blessed with the perfect rear-end, agrees because Dan’s always been there for him since they were facing bully kindergarteners in the school sand box. And to be honest, Mikey could really use the thirty grand Dan’s agent is offering up towards college next year. 
However, he chooses to keep his identity hidden, wearing a ski mask during the shoot.
After collecting his fee, it occurs to Mikey that he may have found a way to pay for his four years at MIT and still maintain his non-celebrity status. Being a scholarship student his entire academic career at a school full of celebrity kids or kids of celebrities and politicians, Mikey’s seen firsthand what it means to have your privacy taken away and he’s determined to avoid that at all costs.
The new business he’s named Affordable Butts spreads first by word-of-mouth through Dan’s Hollywood connections and then he launches a website so individuals seeking a little backside exposure know where to find Mikey. And it isn’t just films he’s taking on, he’s dabbling in all kinds of jobs, like accidental moonings for the paparazzi parked outside another teen idol’s window. His ass is showing up in all the tabloids, magazines and gossip websites. But Mikey gets to walk through the halls of his school with no one having a clue that they’ve seen quiet geek, Mikey McDonald with his pants off.
That is until a minor altercation with an intoxicated fan at a Laker’s game causes Mikey to jump from his seat, catching his gym shorts on a loose screw and displaying his bare ass for the arena camera that had zoomed in on the nosebleed section the second the fighting broke out. The pants dropping video quickly becomes a youtube sensation and Mikey gets a taste of being in the public eye. The most bitter taste possible. All this goes down just when he’s finally gained the courage to ask out the girl he’s crushed on since fourth grade. And if youtube doesn’t make her run screaming, then the internet junkies will do the job when they begin forensically matching Mikey’s backside with images of nearly a dozen young actors. Mikey wants to do nothing but hide under his Star Wars sheets until the drama settles down or until he turns thirty–whichever comes first–but he can’t let negative publicity keep him from pursuing dreams he’s had his entire life, can he?
So the question of the day is…would you read AFFORDABLE BUTTS if it really existed (it totally does NOT exist)?
Also, feel free to throw some more titles at me in the comment section. I’m determined to prove that I can make a YA/NA story out of anything.
Happy Wednesday!

About the Author:


  1. Dianne April 17, 2013 at 5:22 pm - Reply

    JULIE! This is HILARIOUS! Hahahahaha, I can't seem to stop laughing. I think I'm gonna love this new feature. Hahaha! I can't think of any titles right now because honestly? "Forensically matching Mikey's backside" made me roll on the floor. Looking forward for more!

  2. Julie Cross April 17, 2013 at 5:24 pm - Reply

    thanks! I'm here to entertain. It's what i do best 🙂

  3. Elaine Smith April 17, 2013 at 6:53 pm - Reply

    Totally! Not that writing is all dull-days and typing but, while journalists may have been lucky enough to be -theoretically – forensically examining Mikey's backside, I'm happy to learn from the query. This is a great feature.

  4. Sophie April 17, 2013 at 8:55 pm - Reply

    Oh Julie!!! You are hysterical! And only you could make me want to read a book titled that!!!

  5. Julie Cross April 17, 2013 at 9:13 pm - Reply

    I aim to please 🙂

  6. Melissa Landers April 17, 2013 at 9:55 pm - Reply

    Love it. But I still maintain you could spin this as a torrid romance and make zillions!

  7. Grayson Daniels April 18, 2013 at 12:10 am - Reply

    It sounds like a real funny story and I would read it but how long would it be to write a story like this?

  8. Miss Page-Turner April 18, 2013 at 12:39 am - Reply

    Who doesn't like sexy male backsides? So, yes, I'd read that. Funny feature! How about NEGLECTED DOG HOUSE as a title? I can't think of anything to write about that!

  9. Alexandra April 18, 2013 at 12:40 am - Reply

    How about "Behind the Mask" or "Mikey's Behind" or if you're looking for something funny or ironic, "Who Behind Is It Anyways?" or "Behind the Scenes". This already sounds so funny and entertaining. If you need anyone to beta read, let me know!


  10. Julie Cross April 18, 2013 at 2:51 am - Reply

    Winner!! Neglected dog house will be my next title.

  11. Julie Cross April 18, 2013 at 2:52 am - Reply

    Haha…no beta readers needed because its not a real book 🙂

  12. Julie Cross April 18, 2013 at 3:06 am - Reply

    Then you should play along and write a new affordable butts query! This could be so fun 🙂

  13. Julie Cross April 18, 2013 at 1:04 pm - Reply

    Not sure. For me, probably a few weeks but I wouldn't write this story. It's just a fun summary.

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