Those of you that don’t know me and haven’t read the About Me section on this blog (look up), I have three kids and my oldest is in middle school this year. For the past few months, I’ve been contemplating (and denying) the fact that eventually I’m gonna have to have “the talk” with him.
Yeah, that talk.
I know, right?
Just thinking about it makes my palms sweaty and the right words and the wrong words jumble in my head. To get some practice and feedback on this blog topic, I consulted The Perfect 10, my amazing teen panel and we had a pretty good email discussion on this particular topic. It’s quite possible they’re more mature about this subject than I am.
I couldn’t even type the S-E-X word and I found myself using the phrase “birds and bees” and this was quickly followed by Perfect 10 member, Monica saying, “birds and bees? Never heard of it?”
And though I’ve heard this phrase many times, I couldn’t remember where it came from and why it was used in an almost cliche way for years. So, of course, I consulted Google for this answer:
“Birds and bees is usually used in reference to teaching someone, often a young child, about sex and pregnancy. The phrase is evocative of the metaphors and euphemisms often used to avoid speaking openly and technically about the subject.”
Omg…this is exactly what I needed! Openly is bad enough, but technically…I can’t even imagine. Anyway, as I read on I found a glitch in this method. Here’s the problem with the Birds and the Bees:
“According to tradition, the birds and the bees is a metaphorical story sometimes told to children in an attempt to explain the mechanics and good consequences of sexual intercourse through reference to easily observed natural events. For instance, bees carry and deposit pollen into flowers, a visible and easy-to-explain example of male fertilization. Another example, birds lay eggs, a similarly visible and easy-to-explain example of female ovulation.”
So, yeah…I’m just not seeing how I can tell this story and a kid is gonna understand how human babies are made. Maybe the problem lies in the fact that I have no memory of having this talk with an adult in my life. I mean, I figured it out eventually…but even if someone has the worst, most humiliating talk with an adult at least they know what not to do or say. I got nothing.
Wait…I take that back…I did have some education. By the time I was 6 years old I had every word to every song in the movie Grease 2 memorized, including this song:
Despite my enjoyment of this movie, I will not be showing this video to my children as a substitute for “the talk.” So, for this week’s contest, ending Friday, March 23 at midnight (CDT) to win a signed copy of Tempest (yes to International!) all you have to do is comment on this post and please, please tell me a great story if you have one about your personal experience receiving “the talk.” I really, really need to laugh about this!
I will toss all names into a hat and draw a winner on Sunday, March 25 and announce on the blog that morning. If you are a winner, email me your address Juliecross1 (at) live (dot) com.
Oh…and I have to end on a funny note…my favorite part of the discussion with The Perfect 10 was one member quoting her father’s simple one-sentence talk:
“No balloons, no party.”
Who comes up with this stuff? It’s genius.